SUSPICIOUS

The wind's getting colder now, but it's okay,
because I have forgotten how to be warm in this place
I chiseled into the hardpacked ground;
where I can be silently away.

You're messing with your hands.
You're staring at the ground.
You're suspicious.

You can't look at me.
You can't say a thing.
You're suspicious.

The funny things you said to me;
filled with lies you let me believe.
You're suspicious.

This hurting in my bones isn't easy to explain,
but I guess that dying feels different every time.
So I don't pay it any mind.

I'm taking back and keeping to myself
whatever I've got left-
it's easy.
Too easy.

You're messing with your hands.
You're staring at the ground.
You're suspicious.

You can't look at me.
You can't say a thing.
You're suspicious.

The funny things you said to me;
filled with lies you let me believe.
You're suspicious.

House Holy And Empty

I'm sorry for nothing
because it's all that I've got.
You drag me by my feet-
I'm bleeding from every pore.

It's raining on me, but I can't feel a thing.
My body betrays. My mind vacates.
Thus am I complete; house holy and empty.
My emptiness builds me a wall.

If you run, count me in;
I'll be behind you.
Walls may fall but I will not be crushed
as long as there's an us.

It's raining on me, but I can't feel a thing.
My body betrays. My mind vacates.
Thus am I complete; house holy and empty.
My emptiness builds me a wall.

I'm sorry for nothing
because it's all that I've got.
You drag me by my feet-
I'm bleeding from every pore.

I'm counting the seams I've snapped inside.
I've no blood to bleed; I only breathe in my sleep.
I say a name both foreign and vain.
I see my face as it fades.

If you run, count me in;
I'll be behind you.
Walls may fall but I will not be crushed
as long as there's an us.

It's raining on me, but I can't feel a thing.
My body betrays. My mind vacates.
Thus am I complete; house holy and empty.
My emptiness builds me a wall.

I'm sorry for nothing
because it's all that I've got.
You drag me by my feet-
I'm bleeding from every pore.

I'm sorry for nothing.

In Response To Your Letter

I got the letter that you sent
but I don't know what I should say-
especially since apparently
you don't want a thing from me.

So here you have it,
all the nothing I can give.
But, I must admit
I'm no good at writing emptiness.

It scares me some
how dumb I am.
I don't know if I'm in love,
I just know that I can't be again-
and I don't even know if I regret it.

So glad to hear you're doing great
but I'm sorry I can't say the same-
there's no music in my heart anymore.

That's not to say that you're to blame, though I'd like to.
You're the stain that I adore.
You're my sweet and tender whore.

It scares me some
how dumb I am.
I don't know if I'm in love,
I just know that I can't be again-
and I don't even know if I regret it.

How could I regret it,
someone that I never had?
Memories of feelings
are the only thing I get.

Bubsie, I can't take it anymore-
breathing these poppy-sweet pretend "I love you's."
Kenzie, I dreamt I was standing at your grave
where I could finally see your real face.

I'd never wish you dead
in a 100,000,000 years; instead,
I'll pull paper to pen
to get these vapors from my head.

I know you love me
because you always write it at the end.
Even though I know it's bullshit
I'll just pretend.

It hurts me some
how dumb I am.
I'm loathe to be in love
and I know that I can't be again.
And I don't even know if I regret it.

How can I regret it,
this something that I never had?
These memories of feelings
are the only thing I get.

Bubsie, I can't take you anymore.
Breathing your poppy-sweet pretend "I love you's."
Kenzie, I dreamt I was standing at your grave

where I could finally see your real face.

LEAD FEET & CONCRETE

I'm pretty sure I'm obsessing because every hour I'm checking my phone to see if you care. If you're there, my stomach does back flips on itself, I jump around giddy like a girl who just held her first boy's hand. And I land face flat and churning inside, brow-furled and misty-eyed, sick like I'm on the kick if you're not there. And I am beat up and rusty inside, my head is about to unwind, you're just what I need- you're the best type of disease. If anybody says otherwise I'll blacken their eyes, put out their lights. If anybody says anything that is of of line I'll make them wish they'd died before they ever met me. I love you so much that I'm sorry I did not know you sooner that I could have loved you always. And I hate you away without me but that's life- it's long and rotten- but I think you'll make it better. I know a mouthful of words could not convey the feelings streaming tears down my face when I think of you. You're telling me too much, you're telling me too much your words are like vipers that sting my desires leaving them in flames. I don't know if I can take any more of this heartbreaking love I have for you. To tell you the truth I'll always tell you the truth. If anybody says otherwise I'll blacken their eyes, put out their lights. If anybody says anything that is of of line I'll make them wish they'd died before they ever met me. How did you get me so wound up? Popping like a spring filling my cup with so many feelings, loving and ghostly, heart held in my hand, half in my head. You know that I'm ready to take a fall, break off at the knees, crawling and bawling. Lay at your feet, just like a dog, but if you kick me I'll walk away with your love. If anybody says otherwise I'll blacken their eyes, put out their lights. If anybody says anything that is of of line I'll make them wish they'd died before they ever met me.

I CARE

BUY IT NOW OR SOMETHING!

Been carrying hurt for too long
-carrying these stupid songs-
and when I'm too tired to go on,
I'll just get drunk.

Nate I've missed you all these years
and Mike, your voice I'd love to hear
singing sweet right next to me-
I'm sorry.

Amanda, I'm glad you finally said
you didn't want to be my friend
because I was waiting for so long
and now my promise has been kept.

Lisa, I love you so bad,
you really could have been the best,
but things they don't turn out the way we wanted them.

it's a lonely, lonely road
it's a lonely road to go
it's a lonely road to go alone
when You've got so many friends.

And, I care.

Love ain't dead yet,
just torn up a bit,
and that's okay.
I know I've got some new friends coming my way.

Yeah, the road, it sucked,
it was all fucked up,
but I'm just happy I can say:
I ain't dead yet.

it's a lonely, lonely road
it's a lonely road to go
it's a lonely road to go alone
when You've got so many friends.

PAINT A PICTURE

If there were one thing that I could do, I would not hesitate. If there were ten things that I could do, I would do every one before that day were through. And when I go for a kiss, I always miss. It's not my aim, I know, but it hurts me so to miss those lips. Move out of my way- I'm coming through. If you don't want to listen, you don't have to; but I've got to say I've really missed you, and when I hold you I've always known you. You always say that you don't know me. I think that's bullshit and you know this. If you want to convince me it's real easy; you've just got to do it to yourself first. Paint a picture for please because I'm running out of memories. Take your picture with me please so I don't forget you- as if I could. So I'll hug myself to sleep tonight, but if you're smart it'll be you the next time. You could be my blanket every night- I'd wear your arms like a sweater so tight. But if you don't catch up to me soon I might just grow out of you and you could be painting those pictures alone just like so many years ago. Paint a picture with me please because I'm running out of memories. Take your picture with me please so I don't forget you- as if I could. Paint a new picture with me so I don't forget you- as if I could.

YOURS

I behind these empty tumblers, you hiding behind screens of glass and plastic, and this haze of smoke separates us both. When I wrote "I thought I was a man," who would have known it was written to you? We had not met, and we wouldn't for ten years yet. You've got the prettiest eyes next to mine- your breath is into me. I've planted the tiniest seed in your mind that you could love me. If you're thinking that my words are weak, well, you'd be right if you had something better for me. But, as it stands, you ain't got shit, and believe me, I've been listening. Try something like "how I love to kiss you" and I don't care how anybody else would feel, you would be my favorite new author, probably for life. You've got the prettiest eyes next to mine- your breath is into me. I've planted the tiniest seed in your mind that you could love me. (repeat)(ending) Your heart is broken, yeah, so is mine, but that can't stop me. The only thing worse than losing you is not even trying.